Thoughts

Sitting here, just thinking about stuff that’s happened in the past 4 days. Gone, just like that. I’m not gonna apologize for the stuff I said to be completely honest. Yeah, maybe I could’ve cut back on the name calling but other than that, I meant every single word. Did you? I’ll never know. What’s sad is that I should’ve moved on 10 months ago. But nope, whether you know it or not, you had me in a choke hold the whole time. I’ve heard countless people say “You can move on, someone better will come along”. Gravity by Sara Bareilles is playing as I type this and as I listen to the words, they’ve never hit me harder than how they are right now. “Something always brings me back to you, it never takes too long….set me free, leave me be. I don’t wanna fall another moment into your gravity..” Exactly 2 weeks and it would’ve been two years. 730 days together, cut short all because we took each other for granted. “Busy” was a common word in my inbox. I know our lives have changed since we first got together on May 16, 2009. As much as we like to compare ourselves to what attracted us to each other when we were in high school, the harsh fact of reality is that we changed. I still remember little things. First kiss ever, first time someone ever told me they loved me other than my family and super close friends. I remember exactly where we stood, where we were, what we were wearing, down to the very last detail. I lived for that moment. All the small things that you did for me. The random piggy back rides, carrying me to your car after prom when my feet hurt, little things that weren’t grand gestures, didn’t involve money, but meant the world to me. That night that I decided to end it and you were crying on the phone and told me for the first time that you wanted to marry me one day. That night has been on repeat in my head and those two words: marry me. And even though it seemed like it was just us against the world, we didn’t care what people thought. People thought we wouldn’t last 3 months. What happened to us? Here we are..716 days later from May 16, 2009. Not talking, out of each other’s life, waiting to see what the world has to offer us, not as a couple, but as two separate people. I hope that whatever life has to offer you, that you experience nothing but pure bliss and that you live the life that you deserve. I hope somewhere down the road, our paths cross again, no matter what stage we are in our lives. Whether we’re married and have our own families or even if we’re little old people who have lived long lives, I know we’ll get to sit and chat again or catch up. If not now, then later, but never is not an option. I’m a firm believer that there’s a reason why God gave us to each other at one point and there’s a reason as to why God also gave us reasons to end it. No matter what anyone says, agree or disagree, “You never forget your first love”. 

“I think that if life separates us and we end up in totally different places, I’ll always remember when our paths aligned from this period of time. And I’ll be thankful for that and hope that wherever you are, you’ll be thankful too.”